From Out of Nowhere

It seems as though life takes me by surprise at times when I am just settling in. That’s not really a bad thing as it reminds me to keep focused on Christ, but I feel unsettled this afternoon. I don’t want to post very much right now, but I feel as though I need to write this out. My mom found a lump on her neck this morning that concerned her and she went in to see her doctor about it. The doctor didn’t know what it was and decided to call an oncologist to possibly get a biopsy. Before deciding to go through with a biopsy, she decided to call our oncologist at Duke…she will go in for an appointment next Tuesday with him so he can check it out. They will determine if we should take the lympnode out and test it or monitor it. That alone is enough to make our minds go wild with thoughts that must be kept captive, but as my mom and I were finishing the conversation, she mentioned the doctor saying there wouldn’t be much they could do if the cancer has spread…I’m not sure how to react to this. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to let my mind go to that dark place. I don’t know why the doctor would say that before confirming anything at all; I am sincerely hoping it was said by mistake, or misunderstood, or miscommunicated, or misheard. Please be praying for our family. It sounds so trivial to me to say we just don’t want to go into the gruesome battle once again, but we don’t. Even more, we don’t want to find out that the battle will not be won (in terms of the cancer). I fear I have become complacent in this “semi-healthy” stage my mom has been in and feel this can serve as a wake-up call; a wake-up call that is most dreaded. Pray for the cancer to not have spread and whatever is in my mom’s neck to be harmless; that is what we want. Pray that if that is not the case, that God would lavish His grace and strength upon us to honor Him in our response and our lives, no matter what the path will look like. Pray that it won’t take possibilities like these to keep me near the cross, that I would remain there. I am humbled at God’s immense power to give and take away cancer, to place a lump inside a person’s body (whether it be dangerous or not) at any point in time. I am comforted that He has been in control of this thing since before time began and will continue to be in control. I am thankful that He allows us to feel the angst of pain and the heaviness and brevity of life even as it hurts; and I plead with my Father now to bring peace, hope, comfort, and trust as we don’t even know that there is something to worry about, but that itself brings anxiety as we wonder what this lump could be. Ok, I am on the verge of tears and have been holding it back through this whole post, so I am going to go before I actually start crying. Thank you in advance for lifting us up to the Father’s throne…so grateful that He hears us and answers our prayers!

Be still my soul and rest in the almighty hands of the Father…

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2 thoughts on “From Out of Nowhere

  1. So beautiful is the heart of one stayed on Him.

    The body of Christ at PBC all lifted Lori and the family up in prayer tonight.

    We love you all so very much.

    • What a sweet encouragement to hear that the Body is lifting her and our family up in prayer! God is God and He is good! We will ALWAYS trust in that and be thankful for that! It’s crazy that we could hear bad news or this could be nothing at all, but God can still use even this time to grow us in our love for Him and to display His great love on us!

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