Oh, Restless Heart

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone had a good morning hearing the Word with their local body of believers. Since we still had family in town, I decided to sit in service with them at 9:30 instead of going to all 3 services. In service, Pastor Davey continued in Titus. We began to cover 5 passions of Paul which we should adapt as our passions as well (today we only got to 2):

1. passionate about God’s elect- Paul was passionate about the message he was to share and his calling to share the message of the Gospel. Paul wanted soundness of faith for those chosen by God. He wanted them to know what they believe and have a strong grasp on their faith. His passion wasn’t to see numbers in the church grow, but to see God’s children grow in their knowledge and understanding of faith…he was concerned with the depth of faith. We need to be passionate about this as well!

–> “the elect” are those chosen by God. Election is the initiation of God’s proposal of salvation to us…then there’s our part of acceptance. If we have said “yes” to Christ, He has chosen you! He chose me. HE. CHOSE. ME. Wow! Seriously, a mystery to me as to why He would choose to call me to Himself, but I am so grateful that He did and still not grateful enough. I owe Him everything and I desire to mold my passions and will to His. As His slave, I should have no will of my own, but only to fulfill the will of my glorious Master!

2. passionate about God’s Truth- despite what many in our culture today would say, truth can be knowable and it can be certain! God’s truth will never cease to be true if people don’t believe it…I should be, as Paul was, passionate about spreading Truth and about how other’s respond to that Truth. I must tirelessly  and passionately teach the Truth which affects every area of life!

In college class, Don started our study of Ephesians with Paul’s introduction of himself to the church of Ephesus. We should develop the mindset that everything in our lives is by the will of God as we see that Paul knew he was an apostle by the will of God. Our calling as “saints” (called out holy people by God) is by the will of God and does not change; but how we are to be faithful to this calling and what that looks like in our lives may change, but we are still to be faithful! Verse 3 tells us that God is not holding anything back from us and we have every spiritual blessing to fulfill God’s will. What am I doing with this? I am lacking in nothing and yet am I living like I am? I can have dominating grace and peace because I am in Christ…am I savoring in this? Am I living rightly with the knowledge that I live by the grace of God and filled with His peace? How differently would I be each day if I did? Mostly this message just left me thinking about how I have responded to Christ…Am I passionate like Paul? Am I living my life with the mindset that all things are by God’s will?

I feel uneasy today. My heart is restless. I am not overwhelmed with the joy of Christ today. I feel like I have started to coast on autopilot with the business of life. I don’t want to become too busy for the things that cause me to savor in Christ and further His Kingdom. I don’t want to waste opportunities in life that the Lord is giving me to share Him with others. I don’t want to have these desires in my heart to have certain things which I do not…it is holding me back. I want to be content with whatever God has for my life, but I feel as though I have become too complacent, and at the same time discontent. I thought I would be on my way to marriage, looking forward to serving with my husband around this time in my life (silly I know because I am young); but I am single and I am working 8-5 on Monday through Friday…how am I using this time? I need to be using it more wisely. I just feel restless. I feel like I want to drop everything and go; I want to get away from this rut. While that would not be a bad thing, that type of thing does not need to be a rash/emotional decision; it needs to be a deeply prayed for decision and it needs to be in God’s will if I am to do it. I know that if the Lord would have me do something drastic with my life that He would make that absolutely clear to me and He hasn’t; but He is stirring in me desires to do something bigger with my life…I just don’t know what or when or where. Running away from the rut just to shake things up is not a solution to the heart of the problem, it would just mask the symptoms; I really need to be more concerned with being faithful in the rut. I am struggling to find the balance between patience for things of the future while preparing for whatever the Lord may have for me. I want to be living each day sold out to Him in this world. I feel like I am watching others live their life and moving on to new/exciting stages of life and I just feel stuck. I am rejoicing with my brothers and sisters in Christ for the ways He is using them and taking them to new places; I guess I am just anxious for if and when that next stage will come for me. To do something big, I don’t have to go to another country or quit my job and live in the most remote place, but I do need to get past my own selfish desires for what I thought my life would look like (and have to admit still want my life to look like sometimes when I am not surrendering in total submission to the Lord). I just have this vision in my head for what my life could look like and I don’t want it there…I don’t want to make plans for my future. I want to live with the peace of Christ radiating through me, knowing that I am exactly where He wants me, doing what He wants me to be doing, and being surrounded by the people He has placed around me. God has a plan for my life, right now I am living it. His plans are not for my future (yes, He has that planned as well), but His plans are for today and tomorrow and every day for that matter. I am praying that the Lord would settle my restless heart; that He would move me to do His will; whether that is to continue here with the day to day grind of work and look for a house in the area or to raise support and move to a new place or whatever else He wants for me. I am praying that I would be surrendered to Him and surrender even the plans in my heart which seem “good” and for His glory. I am praying that I would not be complacent in reference to where I am in my sanctification, but I would be content with every circumstance God has me in. I am His slave and it is not my will, but His! I do not want anything to take priority over God’s will for my life and His glory, not my comfort, my desires, my “plans”, etc. I want to wait on the Lord as He is still working on my heart and still shaping my life. I was reminded as I couldn’t describe my heart today with any word other than “restless” of part of Seth Davey’s song, We Stand Amazed, where it says “the voice that called the sea, that spoke the world to be, is whispering a peace inside of me.” I can feel the Lord slowly whispering that peace to me even as I am just writing about this restlessness. So thankful for that! I know most of that probably made no sense haha and you are confused as to what I was trying to get across, but really it was more for me working things out and reminding myself that God is good, He is God, He is faithful, and His plans for my life will be accomplished…so I need to stop worrying and keep pursing Christ with all that is in me…the rest will come when it is supposed to.

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